Almost half of the men who participated in our research reported that they test women to determine how much they care, but this only happens when they envy and genuinely care about them – in other words, only when they are willing to commit to them. Let’s explore some of these tests that both men and women subject each other to, as presented by the psychotherapist.
Most of them told us that they want their partners to be challenging and to have “their own opinions,” meaning the exact opposite of what women mean by that.
That is, a woman who does not demand commitment will not receive respect and dedication in return. Men clearly reveal their preference to flirt and offer the minimum commitment possible. Nevertheless, they continue to sleep with women they neither respect nor even like if they are attractive enough.
Most men often do such things in one-night stands. So, to force a man to commit to her, a woman must not behave foolishly, must know what she wants, and demand commitment from him. However, these characteristics do not determine whether a woman is considered sexually attractive or not. Because her attractiveness is determined by her external characteristics.
It is in our nature to constantly test ourselves until we reach our limits. When women say they like men who are a “challenge,” they mean those who are attractive and confident, not rushing to commit and dedicate themselves to any woman they find acceptable. Precisely because they are attractive, they have the ability to be selective. Women are attracted to men who are reluctant to commit to them and enter into a commitment. This happens not only because the difficulty itself is exciting and challenging but also because it signifies the strength and quality of a man.
Therefore, men who are in high demand can more easily get what they want from women while, at the same time, having the ability to offer very little. Thus, a woman is called upon to convince such a man that she is so special that he cannot win her over unless he commits to her and dedicates himself enough, because that is what she deserves.
Our tendency to constantly test someone in this way implies that almost all women, regardless of how attractive they are, will experience rejection if they do not find a partner for a relationship or marriage relatively quickly. Susan had such an experience. She told us that she had met a man who was a “real challenge” because all her previous partners were more interested in her than she was in them. This man seemed “able to prove stronger” than her.
They went out for six months, and then they started making love. He remained charming and warm to her, but he made no move to make their relationship closer. When they started having sex, Susan felt she had started falling in love with him. However, when she sought signs of reciprocation of her feelings, he was vague and cautious. Therefore, she began to suspect that he was meeting other women. He was unwilling to commit to her or even tell her that he loved her, and eventually, he asked her to break up. She told us she felt very hurt. It was the first time she had to admit that someone left her before she did.